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Are there any areas of the UK which have yet to be ‘enriched’ by government-sponsored Islamic immigration?

I know of many foreigners (Americans especially) who would love to visit or study in the UK, but who are understandably wary of the Islamification process underway here.

People all around the world now know of the harrassment women are liable to face in certain areas of London and in other major British cities. Many folk are less than keen on travelling on the London tube in case of an Islamist attack similar to that of 7/7. Those with young children are scared away by the stories of Muslim paedophile gangs operating up and down the country, as well as the much-publicised police failures in stopping them.

But whether it’s young people deciding which European university to study at, or older tourists planning a brief trip, I think an Islamophobic travel guide might prove indispensable.

The fears listed above are warranted, but they should not be allowed to tar the reputation of the whole of Great Britain. It’s true that if an American visited Bradford or Oldham and then left having seen nowhere else, then Britain would appear to be a sub-Western toilet.

But then there are many worlds within Britain, some of them first, some of them third.

Picking between them is vital, as is a lack of political correctness when doing so.

It is also handy (dear traveler) to have an appreciation of English honesty. When you hear English people remark that they live in a ‘depressing area’ for example, it is important that you take them seriously. These areas are not depressing in a cute or exaggerated way, or in fact in any way a foreigner could easily appreciate.

There are parts of Britain in which the air is thickly grey, and where business and society close down at 5pm on weekdays. Whether you’re liberal or conservative, nobody would want to stay in Stoke for example, even to make a point. If you’re a fashionable American ‘liberal’ wanting to visit an area of authentic working-class life, then there are many less severe introductions available.

If you are more conservative  and want to visit your English political kin then you might believe that Yorkshire is the best place to do it (I have often heard Yorkshire described as the UK equivalnt of the American south), but even here you need to be very careful that you don’t end up in a miniature Pakistan by mistake.

Anyway I’m blabbing. Here without further ado, is an Islamophobes travel-guide to the UK.

I will list five places to satisfy five different tourist needs. It’s far from exhaustive but then I haven’t had enough coffee yet.

Natural Beauty. – Somerset.

Hauser and Wirth Somerset artists impression, aerial view

Of all the regions of Britain, none are more classically English than Somerset. The natural beauty here rivals anything in Europe. From the brightly green picture-postcard fields, to the renowned cheese farms, black caves and glassy lakes, Somerset is far superior to the much-promoted Lake District for any traveller  interested in that old-fashioned, cart-and-horse ‘Hollywood England’, that otherwise doesn’t really exist anymore.

Islamification level. – 0/10. There are no significant Muslim communities in Somerset. You read correctly. None.

City Life (Bohemia). – Bristol.


The author of this text derives from Bristol and those who dislike it are either insane or on drugs or something. It’s perfect. Better than London. The most cheery people in the world. The smell of hash drifts down every street. Think a de-Islamised Amsterdam.

Islamification level. 3/10 – There are a few mosques but nowhere near as many as other large English cities.

Hedonism. – London.


If drugs, sex and wild-living are more your bag then you will need to head to an area of Central London called Soho. This has for hundreds of years been London’s den of vice. Prostitutes, ladyboys, drug-dealers, Jazz bars etc… Soho is pretty much the only game in town for the beatnik or decadent.

Islamification level  -3/10 – The  Muslims of London (of which there are many) tend to avoid this area due to their fear of homosexuals. Thanks guys.

Music. – Liverpool.


Beatles. Beatles. Beatles. Go to Liverpool and obsess about the Beatles.

Islamification level – 5/10 – Be wary. Check the local area before you book.

Food.Somewhere else.

Don’t visit Britain if food is something you enjoy.

 D, LDN.